Genre Squad: Resumes

Pirate

123 Sea Shanty Arrvenue, Los Angeles, CA(555) 555-5551 Avast@Arr.Boat

RELATED EXPERIENCE:

Captain, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2005 - 2009, Pacific and Indian Oceans.

-Managin’ the furner.
-Earnin’ promotion based on strength of orders made and carried out, character, and swordplay.

First Mate, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2003 - 2005, Pacific and Indian Oceans.
-Bellowin’ orders to the mangy crew.
-Administerin’ the operations of keelhaulin’ traitors, scallywags, and lily-livers alike.

Shiphand, The Jolly Rancher. 2000- 2003, Atlantic and Caribbean Seas.
-Performin’ manual labor in a timely and agreeable fashion.
-Acquirin’ respect as a pirate due to level of audacity while forsakin’ royal duties.

Sailor, The Queen’s Royal Navy. 1995 - 2000, Norwegian and Mediterranean Seas.
-Amassin’ experience as a salty, sea dog.

SKILLS:
Managin’, plunderin’, pillagin’, knot-tyin’, swimmin’ and swimmin’ instruction, and sword-fightin’.

EDUCATION:
Her Majesty’s Boat Boot Camp. England, U.K.
Officer Cadet, May 1995.

Ninja

Contact Information:
I find you.

RELATED EXPERIENCE:
Assassin,

CONFIDENTIAL! 2007, Victoria, British Columbia.
-Killed target, as promised.
-Very stealthy. No one saw.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2006, Dakar, Senegal.
-Killed a guy. Got paid.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2005, Colombo, Sri Lanka.
-Snuffed out dude.

Sales Associate, Ninja Weapons, Inc. 1998 - 2000, Yokohama, Japan.
-Sold weapons.

SKILLS:

Ninjutsu, origami, and sales.

EDUCATION:
Ninja Gakuen. Yokohama, Japan.
Top of Class. May 2000.

Zombie

456 Courtyard Crt. Los Angeles, CA
(555) 555-5552 grr.argh@blarg.ungh

RELATED EXPERIENCE:
Background Actor, Assorted B-Movies. 2005 - 2008, Hollywood, CA.
-Provided disturbingly accurate ambiance in the background your favorite zombie movies.

Office Assistant, Chief Cubicle Offices. 1997 - 2005, Burbank, CA.
-Spent days creating spreadsheets, pie charts, and e-mail reminders.

Sales Associate, Major Corporation, Inc. 1983 - 1997, Glendale, CA.
-Dedicated life to serving others, promoting the corporation, and nodding at superiors.

SKILLS:
Moaning, groaning, drooling, eating brains, mauling corpses, and Power Point.

EDUCATION:
Zombie Certification Camp. North Hollywood, CA.
Magna Cum Laude. May 2007.

Robot

Address: 01100001 01100100 01100100 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011
Phone: 01110000 01101000 01101111 01101110 01100101
E-mail: 01100101 00101101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100

RELATED EXPERIENCE:
Assembling Arm, All-Assembled Company. 2001 - 2008, Los Angeles, CA.
-Complied parts for assembling arms.

Vending Machine, North Valley High School. 1995 - 2001, North Valley, CA.
-Supplied students with sugary sustenance.

E-Z Bake Oven, The Smith’s Playroom. 1994 - 1995, South Valley, CA.
-Made instant treats with the power of a light bulb.

SKILLS:
Accurate, methodical, and meticulous.

EDUCATION:
Robot Construction Completion. South Valley, CA.
May 1994.


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POLL RESULTS!:
What dessert should Mom have on her apron?

• Cookie. (16%)


• Cupcake. (50%)


• Ice cream. (16%)


• Candy. (16%)
  

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What killed Zombie?