Monday, January 30, 2012


Jeff and Celeste, you've got some 'splainin' to do!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

Genre Squad: Resumes!

123 Sea Shanty Arrvenue, Los Angeles, CA(555)
555-5551 Avast@Arr.Boat

Captain, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2005 - 2009, Pacific and Indian Oceans.
-Managin’ the furner.
-Earnin’ promotion based on strength of orders made and carried out, character, and swordplay.

First Mate, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2003 - 2005, Pacific and Indian Oceans.
-Bellowin’ orders to the mangy crew.
-Administerin’ the operations of keelhaulin’ traitors, scallywags, and lily-livers alike.

Shiphand, The Jolly Rancher. 2000- 2003, Atlantic and Caribbean Seas.
-Performin’ manual labor in a timely and agreeable fashion.
-Acquirin’ respect as a pirate due to level of audacity while forsakin’ royal duties.

Sailor, The Queen’s Royal Navy. 1995 - 2000, Norwegian and Mediterranean Seas.
-Amassin’ experience as a salty, sea dog.

Managin’, plunderin’, pillagin’, knot-tyin’, swimmin’ and swimmin’ instruction, and sword-fightin’.

Her Majesty’s Boat Boot Camp. England, U.K.
Officer Cadet, May 1995.

Contact Information:
I find you.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2007, Victoria, British Columbia.
-Killed target, as promised.
-Very stealthy. No one saw.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2006, Dakar, Senegal.
-Killed a guy. Got paid.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2005, Colombo, Sri Lanka.
-Snuffed out dude.

Sales Associate, Ninja Weapons, Inc. 1998 - 2000, Yokohama, Japan.
-Sold weapons.

Ninjutsu, origami, and sales.

Ninja Gakuen. Yokohama, Japan.
Top of Class. May 2000.

456 Courtyard Crt. Los Angeles, CA
(555) 555-5552 grr.argh@blarg.ungh

Background Actor, Assorted B-Movies. 2005 - 2008, Hollywood, CA.
-Provided disturbingly accurate ambiance in the background your favorite zombie movies.

Office Assistant, Chief Cubicle Offices. 1997 - 2005, Burbank, CA.
-Spent days creating spreadsheets, pie charts, and e-mail reminders.

Sales Associate, Major Corporation, Inc. 1983 - 1997, Glendale, CA.
-Dedicated life to serving others, promoting the corporation, and nodding at superiors.

Moaning, groaning, drooling, eating brains, mauling corpses, and Power Point.

Zombie Certification Camp. North Hollywood, CA.
Magna Cum Laude. May 2007.

Address: 01100001 01100100 01100100 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011
Phone: 01110000 01101000 01101111 01101110 01100101
E-mail: 01100101 00101101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100

Assembling Arm, All-Assembled Company. 2001 - 2008, Los Angeles, CA.
-Assembled arms of assembling arms.

Vending Machine, North Valley High School. 1995 - 2001, North Valley, CA.
-Supplied students with sugary sustenance.

E-Z Bake Oven, The Smith’s Playroom. 1994 - 1995, South Valley, CA.
-Made instant treats with the power of a light bulb.

Accurate, methodical, and meticulous.

Robot Construction Completion. South Valley, CA.
May 1994.

Monday, January 2, 2012

An excuse and a sneak peak.

So while we're still swamped with work that pays us fiscally (instead of this-here work that pays us spiritually), we postpone our regularly weekly update yet again (WE'RE SORRY!). However, to make up for that fact that we can't spend our time how we'd like, we're going to give you a sneak peak into yet another project that we don't have enough time to work on:

Dead in the Water: an independently published serial work by Panic Attack! Comics, due soon as we have time to work on it.