Monday, January 26, 2009

Saving Eva: The Villains

Murphy is an immortal super villain and sworn enemy of the Karmapolis Heroes. Thought to have been exiled to the farthest reaches of space, the Karamapolis Heroes learn that this poor planet is his new home. A former member of the founding Heroes of Karmapolis, he fell from grace when a personal injustice was never rectified. Faced with the corruption of this seemingly indestructible system, he resolved to carry things out in his own, self-serving way. Rejected from his home on Karmapolis, he swore to make everyone else's life as miserable as his own. Now on Earth, he makes his law absolute.

Crystal is Eva's most popular classmate, and is sure to remind everyone of that fact as often as possible. Beautiful and aware of it, she enjoys pointing out Eva's imperfections to their peers.

The Grotonians
(Madame McHugnstab, Baron Von Snuggles, Lord Cuddlesworth, Tentacle Bob)

The Grotonians are a force of discord throughout the universe. They specialize in spreading terror, enslaving inhabitants of planets, and imposing uncomfortable living arrangements. They know no mercy, modesty, or compassion, lording over all other species of life. An age-old enemy of Karmapolis, the Grotonians have been fighting an intergalactic space battle with the people of Karmapolis for eons.


What killed zombie?
  • Working in retail. (33%)
  • Working in an office. (11%)
  • Loan sharks. (22%)
  • Sharks. (33%)

Be sure to vote in this week's poll!:
Which is the most fearsome of the Grotonians?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Genre Squad: Resumes


123 Sea Shanty Arrvenue, Los Angeles, CA(555) 555-5551 Avast@Arr.Boat


Captain, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2005 - 2009, Pacific and Indian Oceans.

-Managin’ the furner.
-Earnin’ promotion based on strength of orders made and carried out, character, and swordplay.

First Mate, The Contessa’s Catamaran. 2003 - 2005, Pacific and Indian Oceans.
-Bellowin’ orders to the mangy crew.
-Administerin’ the operations of keelhaulin’ traitors, scallywags, and lily-livers alike.

Shiphand, The Jolly Rancher. 2000- 2003, Atlantic and Caribbean Seas.
-Performin’ manual labor in a timely and agreeable fashion.
-Acquirin’ respect as a pirate due to level of audacity while forsakin’ royal duties.

Sailor, The Queen’s Royal Navy. 1995 - 2000, Norwegian and Mediterranean Seas.
-Amassin’ experience as a salty, sea dog.

Managin’, plunderin’, pillagin’, knot-tyin’, swimmin’ and swimmin’ instruction, and sword-fightin’.

Her Majesty’s Boat Boot Camp. England, U.K.
Officer Cadet, May 1995.


Contact Information:
I find you.


CONFIDENTIAL! 2007, Victoria, British Columbia.
-Killed target, as promised.
-Very stealthy. No one saw.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2006, Dakar, Senegal.
-Killed a guy. Got paid.

Assassin, CONFIDENTIAL! 2005, Colombo, Sri Lanka.
-Snuffed out dude.

Sales Associate, Ninja Weapons, Inc. 1998 - 2000, Yokohama, Japan.
-Sold weapons.


Ninjutsu, origami, and sales.

Ninja Gakuen. Yokohama, Japan.
Top of Class. May 2000.


456 Courtyard Crt. Los Angeles, CA
(555) 555-5552 grr.argh@blarg.ungh

Background Actor, Assorted B-Movies. 2005 - 2008, Hollywood, CA.
-Provided disturbingly accurate ambiance in the background your favorite zombie movies.

Office Assistant, Chief Cubicle Offices. 1997 - 2005, Burbank, CA.
-Spent days creating spreadsheets, pie charts, and e-mail reminders.

Sales Associate, Major Corporation, Inc. 1983 - 1997, Glendale, CA.
-Dedicated life to serving others, promoting the corporation, and nodding at superiors.

Moaning, groaning, drooling, eating brains, mauling corpses, and Power Point.

Zombie Certification Camp. North Hollywood, CA.
Magna Cum Laude. May 2007.


Address: 01100001 01100100 01100100 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011
Phone: 01110000 01101000 01101111 01101110 01100101
E-mail: 01100101 00101101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100

Assembling Arm, All-Assembled Company. 2001 - 2008, Los Angeles, CA.
-Complied parts for assembling arms.

Vending Machine, North Valley High School. 1995 - 2001, North Valley, CA.
-Supplied students with sugary sustenance.

E-Z Bake Oven, The Smith’s Playroom. 1994 - 1995, South Valley, CA.
-Made instant treats with the power of a light bulb.

Accurate, methodical, and meticulous.

Robot Construction Completion. South Valley, CA.
May 1994.

What dessert should Mom have on her apron?

  • Cookie. (16%)

  • Cupcake. (50%)

  • Ice cream. (16%)

  • Candy. (16%)

Be sure to vote in this week's poll!:
What killed Zombie?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Saving Eva: The Family

Eva is a 15-year-old girl from Suburbia, USA. Raised by her two loving, but slightly oblivious parents, she has learned to be an independent individual…which is not a popular mentality among most teenagers. Despite her depressingly low number of friends, she is kind, giving, and outspoken, which garners the respect of the Karmapolis Heroes (whether she likes it or not).

Mom is Eva's loving and lovely mother. While not always a source of sage advice, she has only the best intentions for Eva. Fortified by her mug of something, Mom has been happily married to Dad since the beginning of time, as far as Eva or anyone else knows.

Dad is Eva's devoted and preoccupied father. With his nose in the newspaper and brain in the clouds, Eva knows that at least his heart is in the right place. He has been happily married to Mom for as long as he can remember, and would have it no other way.


Should Pirate and Ninja join the ever-increasing army of temps, accepting a year contract even though it means a reduced wage and an even more reduced concept of employee benefits and rights?

  • Yes; it could be a way to stay fiscally afloat for a year (or less...) while looking for better employment. Just like everyone else is trying to do! [12%]
  • No; this could merely exacerbate the problems their having in finding a more permanent job. Duh. [0%]
  • Yes; maybe they like dead-end jobs. Benefits are frivolous to them. 401k's are for snobs! [12%]
  • No; they should move to a less populated area where the employers are forced to treat their staff better. Also, stop wasting money in juice bars. [75%]

Be sure to vote in this week's poll!:
What dessert should Mom have on her apron?